Hours ago, I learned about the untimely demise of Miko Ancheta, a fellow Atenean and a friend. He was only 21 years old. I met him through my college bestfriend, Renard. Aside from the fact that he was a passionate photographer and a devoted philosophy major, I knew nothing much about him. His death therefore comes as something that has filled me with a deep regret.
This begs the question: how can I possibly grieve for someone who I have never really gotten personally close to? In Albert Camus' The Stranger, a novel that I read a few weeks back, the protagonist, Meursault, is condemned for not being able to show any emotion at his mother's funeral.
This stoic attitude is eventually used against him when he inexplicably shoots an Arab who has a conflict with one of Meursault's neighbors. Long story short, the protagonist, seeing life as absurd and void of meaning, is put to death under the guillotine. Meursault is judged, unfairly in my opinion, for something no one can fully explain, unless of course one resorts to an 'in-depth analysis' of his history.
But what I'm feeling right now is different. Unlike Meursault, I still feel a certain amount of sympathy for Ancheta and for the people that he's left behind. Perhaps Meursault is apathetic to tragedy and death because he embraces isolation way too much. I can understand that, at some level, for I never really got to know Miko that well. I have nothing that can truly and concretely justify anguish at his death. But unlike the stranger that is Meursault, this missed opportunity to build a solid friendship with Miko has not rendered me into a state of affectlessness, but has caused a feeling of sorrow.
I know, through some of my friends who were close to Miko, that he was a talented man who loves art, a bike-rider who has an unquenchable thirst for adventure, a loyal friend who cares so much for his buddies, and a loving boyfriend. I hate the fact that these characteristics are and will continue to be mere fragments to me. I had, in my three years of knowing Chet, every opportunity to build a more meaningful relationship with him. I regret how I made myself a stranger to him.
While writing this piece may very well be a futile attempt at putting together what never was, thank you Miko. I could have and should have known you better. Rest in peace.
