My God My God

Here is my first assignment for my Theology class. Reread it today and felt like posting it, so stop asking stupid questions.

I used to believe in a personal God. But over the years and after reading some articles regarding the existence of an omnipotent being, I have been more convinced that God is more of an idea rather than a person of great power. I am aware of the fact that there are things that even scientific knowledge cannot explain or give greater detail about, but to accept that a theistic God is responsible for the existence of all things, to me, is somewhat obsolete and lethargic.

Ironically, I was a very faithful person when I was young. More than a decade ago, I used to devotedly attend Sunday Mass with my grandparents, who were very active in participating in religious activities. My parents were always busy at that time so I basically grew up with my lolo and lola. My grandparents were nice company, but they always reminded me to always pray to God. They were very strict about following God’s commandments and glorifying Him in all aspects of life. Probably because I was too young and naïve back then, I never questioned the existence of God, and I allowed every idea about him to come to me smoothly. My understanding of God during that time, caused by my belief that my grandparents knew best, was that he was a mystical being who controls everything in the universe and we, as humans created by him, should obey his orders and devote our lives to him.

But since then, I had doubts regarding who or what God truly is. Just to set things straight, I believe in the existence of God. However, I reject the notion that God is a person of great power. I firmly believe, at present, that God is a mystery which the human mind can never fathom. To me, God is beyond good and evil, beyond reason, and beyond personality. Personally, This view gives me the vigor and enthusiasm to search for the true meaning of life and God.

Having read some works in college tackling some issues about the existence of God, I accept that there is, indeed, a God, for again, there are things that even science cannot fully explain. To recognize that there are limits to what the human mind can know seems to complement and indicate the existence of a complex, inscrutable, and unconquerable idea–God. This conviction roots in my belief that one cannot trust the human mind too much, for human thought processes and perspectives are subjective and very difficult to identify. Thus, human knowledge is fixed; humans decide what is right or wrong, what is pleasant or unpleasant, what is real or imaginary. Personally, I think that this scheme of things justify the existence of God.

But God’s existence as a Father, as a Supreme Creator, and as an omnipotent being, as far as the prior claims are concerned, is, to me, a case of submitting and settling to a concept of an ultimate being for the sake of having something graspable within the confines of human knowledge. This father-like figure of a God, in my point of view, is only necessary for reverential purposes and should be treated as a symbolic approach to God’s existence. I have observed that all the time, people worship and pray to a Holy Father, to a ‘Him’ instead of an ‘it.’ I understand this nonetheless, for it is hard to worship something you do not know anyway. But aside from that function, I find no other significant reason to believe in a theistic God.

With my idea of God being a complex ideal brings about instability in our relationship. Currently, I am in a phase in my life where I question the purpose of prayer, which I have been told before to be a way of communicating to God. Since I believe in an impersonal God, I think that communication with it would not be sensible. Also, I believe that praying is against the divine plan. The universe tends to unfold as it should, and praying seems to serve no function. But I’ve read some forums online about how it’s not a matter of what ought to happen, but an act of obedience to God. This argument, however, is against the basic principles of God as an idea, not a person.

That being said, I still feel that my view of God is still in the process of searching for a true and solid foundation. I don’t feel stable and contented at all in respect of how I make sense of God in particular and the universe in general. Now, I favor the impersonal God. But in 10 years, perhaps I would agree with the idea of a personal God again. All I know is my mental wheels are still spinning and I look forward to other conceptualizations regarding the existence of God.

Still About The Moolah

As I listened to a talk led by wedding video virtuoso Jason Magbanua in school today, I could not help but feel a bit discomforted when he frankly said that, "In the real world, you need to earn money." It got me thinking about the current state of the entertainment industry, the people around me who were mostly Fine Arts and Communications majors, the metro-sexually clad speakers, and of course, my future (if there is any) as a Political Science student.

Just to give you a brief history of how my college plan of study came about, the reason why I chose PoliSci to be my course was because, to be quite honest, it "sounded good." By that I mean the whole idea of politics intrigued me. Growing up, I kept up with news programs on television which were more or less 80% politics and 20% showbiz and trivial matters. Anyway, that whole development has led me to where I am today-sitting in front of a computer in Matteo while trying to keep up with my blog. (Not to mention, I still need to work on my readings and prepare for the orals.)My vision of PoliSci back then was an elite course for people who want(ed) to be lawyers.

But then I got into the study of Political Science only to find out that it was the exact opposite of what I've expected. The topics of qualitative analysis, communism, democracy, political theory, and famous (well, at least for those belonging to the course) names like Marx, Foucault, Plato, Arendt, Gramsci, Lenin, Easton, Zizek, Adorno, and others have all made me realize the disinterestedness of the course with the thing that people would die (or live) for in today's modern society: money.

Now you understand my dilemma. Magbanua says that in life, "You need to sell yourself." Although he meant selling individuality as sharing creative ideas, I thought that his statement sort of recapitulates the tendency of people nowadays to look at money as a supreme entity worthy of full dedication from those who are in pursuit of it. Maybe Magbanua was just being realistic. Maybe my course is a little too theoretical. Maybe this is the way the world's supposed to be. Maybe the world should be changed. All of these statements and possibilities are very confusing. One thing's for sure though, I am enduring a big crisis that I hope would not interfere with my future.