My God My God

Here is my first assignment for my Theology class. Reread it today and felt like posting it, so stop asking stupid questions.

I used to believe in a personal God. But over the years and after reading some articles regarding the existence of an omnipotent being, I have been more convinced that God is more of an idea rather than a person of great power. I am aware of the fact that there are things that even scientific knowledge cannot explain or give greater detail about, but to accept that a theistic God is responsible for the existence of all things, to me, is somewhat obsolete and lethargic.

Ironically, I was a very faithful person when I was young. More than a decade ago, I used to devotedly attend Sunday Mass with my grandparents, who were very active in participating in religious activities. My parents were always busy at that time so I basically grew up with my lolo and lola. My grandparents were nice company, but they always reminded me to always pray to God. They were very strict about following God’s commandments and glorifying Him in all aspects of life. Probably because I was too young and naïve back then, I never questioned the existence of God, and I allowed every idea about him to come to me smoothly. My understanding of God during that time, caused by my belief that my grandparents knew best, was that he was a mystical being who controls everything in the universe and we, as humans created by him, should obey his orders and devote our lives to him.

But since then, I had doubts regarding who or what God truly is. Just to set things straight, I believe in the existence of God. However, I reject the notion that God is a person of great power. I firmly believe, at present, that God is a mystery which the human mind can never fathom. To me, God is beyond good and evil, beyond reason, and beyond personality. Personally, This view gives me the vigor and enthusiasm to search for the true meaning of life and God.

Having read some works in college tackling some issues about the existence of God, I accept that there is, indeed, a God, for again, there are things that even science cannot fully explain. To recognize that there are limits to what the human mind can know seems to complement and indicate the existence of a complex, inscrutable, and unconquerable idea–God. This conviction roots in my belief that one cannot trust the human mind too much, for human thought processes and perspectives are subjective and very difficult to identify. Thus, human knowledge is fixed; humans decide what is right or wrong, what is pleasant or unpleasant, what is real or imaginary. Personally, I think that this scheme of things justify the existence of God.

But God’s existence as a Father, as a Supreme Creator, and as an omnipotent being, as far as the prior claims are concerned, is, to me, a case of submitting and settling to a concept of an ultimate being for the sake of having something graspable within the confines of human knowledge. This father-like figure of a God, in my point of view, is only necessary for reverential purposes and should be treated as a symbolic approach to God’s existence. I have observed that all the time, people worship and pray to a Holy Father, to a ‘Him’ instead of an ‘it.’ I understand this nonetheless, for it is hard to worship something you do not know anyway. But aside from that function, I find no other significant reason to believe in a theistic God.

With my idea of God being a complex ideal brings about instability in our relationship. Currently, I am in a phase in my life where I question the purpose of prayer, which I have been told before to be a way of communicating to God. Since I believe in an impersonal God, I think that communication with it would not be sensible. Also, I believe that praying is against the divine plan. The universe tends to unfold as it should, and praying seems to serve no function. But I’ve read some forums online about how it’s not a matter of what ought to happen, but an act of obedience to God. This argument, however, is against the basic principles of God as an idea, not a person.

That being said, I still feel that my view of God is still in the process of searching for a true and solid foundation. I don’t feel stable and contented at all in respect of how I make sense of God in particular and the universe in general. Now, I favor the impersonal God. But in 10 years, perhaps I would agree with the idea of a personal God again. All I know is my mental wheels are still spinning and I look forward to other conceptualizations regarding the existence of God.