Family matters

"Because a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man." - Don Vito Corleone, The Godfather

The quote above comes from one of my favorite movies of all time, The Godfather. The American classic, in case you didn't know, reveals the value of family in one's life and how these domestic relationships, more often than not, dictate one's decisiveness and character. If handled with discretion, the bond brought about by family represents an integral basic unit of society. If taken otherwise, it may direct someone to "pull the strings" so to speak, regardless of whether it is for the advantage or disadvantage of that particular family member. Here I write about the positive impacts of family, particularly in my personal life. Needless to say, I think families really do matter in an individual's life. The fact that I, being the eldest of three children and part of a broken family, still believe in its main purposes and life-changing implications suggests that there is still hope in the concept of family.

While I think that having several criteria for being a real man is downright ridiculous, I support the statement "the Don" himself uttered. Nowadays I see a lot of men/lads who are about the same age as I (or even younger, I'm 19 by the way) who willfully deny and disrespect their families, or at least would rather hang out with their tropas or flirt with scantily clad women than to cherish a little bit of family time. Yes, even I am guilty of this selfishness. Yet, when times of trouble come, blood seems to be the only refuge.

I have this uncle who, more or less, can be considered the black sheep of the family. No, I'm not being judgmental. The facts reveal that my uncle, most of the time, tries to use the family as a stepping stone, never the rock. For instance, he used to always ask my mom (who is his sister) for some dough to be used for "business purposes." My mom, being especially generous to the members of the clan, has never insisted that my uncle specify. Nonetheless, I think my mom knew exactly where my uncle spent the family's hard-earned money. In a way, it's like the parable of the Prodigal Son with the throwing away of cash for booze, gambling, and ladies. Only, in this case, the forgiving came to an end.

I guess everything has a breaking point. Currently, my uncle lives away from home, or at least that's what he says to our distant family members. My other aunts and uncles, witnessing first hand how it feels to be used for selfish reasons, would not allow an easy reconciliation to occur. Of course, I don't think they were being merciless. It was just a mindset produced by extreme exhaustion. They were no longer convinced, proven by their denial of a kiss-and-hug reconciliation, that my uncle has what it takes to rebuild his life, or at least not just yet.

With all this said, I still believe in the pulling power of the family. Even without my dad, I think my family and I have developed this strong united bond that has stood the test of time and has overcome major obstacles. External problems, that is, outside of my family, inevitably still do occur. Nevertheless, the solid foundation offered by my family gives me the strength and motivation to do things that would eventually, I hope, make them proud to call me son, brother, grandson, or even nephew.

The truth is, I'm not that friendly. I prefer having a small core group of true friends than to have a vast amount of friendly strangers. Considering this lack of amiability on my part, I think it's safe to say that my family has always provided me a foundation from which I could stand to counteract the negativity brought about by isolation. Okay, I don't feel extreme misery when I'm alone. In fact, I treasure these times when I could just bring out this Zen Master part of me and be able to think about the soundness of my body. Anyway, I think this comfort I feel in my alone time is an effect of knowing that a family has got my back.

While it is a fact that the concept of family itself has evolved over the course of human history (from simply an economic institution to a more romanticized one), my personal experience with the pack has made me appreciate the true value of love. The fact that all humans do not 'choose' the members of their families is enough evidence to suggest that the kind of love found within the family set-up is not simply based on emotions or personal preference but is love in its truest form, an act of extending oneself for the growth of both oneself and the other.

I am a firm believer of the family as a microcosm of how the world should operate. We are all brothers and sisters. However, appreciating the value of your family must come first. It starts at home.